A beautiful late autumn, warm and unhurried, full of dreams. I had made so many plans! I kept trying to picture what our life would soon look like, and we had prepared thoroughly for it. I had joined every mom group, to be sure I had access to advice from experienced parents who had already been through what we were about to go through. I had bought everything we needed, found countless posts about what matters most in a baby’s first days, and I had taken them all very seriously. (Who doesn’t want a collection of books to read to their baby the moment she’s born? 😶🌫️)
I had read everything there was to read about becoming a mom.
A few weeks before the birth, my husband and I went for a walk through the city to enjoy the lovely weather. We were so excited! Even though we were a little scared of the unknown, we felt we would manage. After all, we had checked off everything there was to check off on the preparation list. At some point, we ran into a family we knew, who had a little boy of about a year at the time.
“Hey! Hi! Ready for the big event?”
“Yes! We can hardly wait! We’re so eager to meet our little princess!”
I saw the mom’s expression change, and with a somewhat sad look, she said:
“Oh… I’d say enjoy your time while you can, because once you give birth, it’s all gone!”
Until that moment, I hadn’t thought about that: would I still have time? What do you mean, EVERYTHING is going to change? The truth is, I was terrified, and I think that was the first moment of pure panic in my life as a soon-to-be parent: what if she was right? I had wanted so much to become a mom, and I knew our life would be different, but until that moment I had chosen to see only the good things: rosy, glittery, full of love.
I had no idea then that my princess, my little marigold, would show me how much there is to gain, and how wonderfully we would change.
Looking back now, I realize how hard it must have been for that mom… When you become a parent, everything really does change, but I firmly believe that how you welcome those changes is up to you. The whole experience is incredible: you essentially become someone new. Some days, you’re a gentler, more patient version of yourself; other days… you’re a complete mess. And that’s genuinely okay, even if no one tells you that often enough.
So, let me be the one to say it: it’s okay to have bad days. No one is an amazing parent every single day – it’s simply impossible.
I think she wanted to tell me how hard the beginning is, in the sense that you’ve never been through anything like it: you have to change your habits, adapt them, and learn new things just to keep a tiny human alive. It’s an enormous responsibility! But it’s wonderful! And the love that can overflow… That’s what I wish she had told me.
I wish I had heard that it would be okay. That the little human would grow, would be healthy, and wouldn’t break as easily as we fear at first. That we can allow ourselves to be patient with ourselves and to trust ourselves.
Today, my little marigold teaches me what patience means, every single day. Nothing broke, and nothing was lost of who we were. There was simply room made for something greater. So if you’re at the start of your journey: be patient with yourself, trust yourself, and enjoy every beginning, with patience.